Choices
by Deandra
Summary: Theodwyn struggles with her identity. Fluffy little ONESHOT. Part 28 of the Elfwine Chronicles.


_**Part 28 of the Elfwine Chronicles. The Elfwine Chronicles are a series of one-shots built around the family group of Eomer, Lothiriel and Elfwine. The total number will depend on how many ideas I get for new vignettes.**_

_**A/N: Okay, so I'm supposed to be focused on Harry Potter, and I'm TRYING to be focused on Harry Potter, but even though the hit counter says over 500 people have looked at my story, only 5 have reviewed. And I was getting kind of discouraged by that and since 3 of the 5 are part of my faithful LOTR following, I offered to do a special LOTR story just for them and asked if there was anything in particular they were interested in seeing. Elwen of Lorien responded about wanting to see Theodwyn having her first crush, and that sparked this idea and, much as I tried, I couldn't get it to leave me alone, so I sat down and wrote it last night before I forgot all the good ideas I was having. So you have Elwen of Lorien to thank/blame for this, as well as Julia and Caprice Ann Hedican-Kocur for being supportive, and thus inspiring me to write this. You can blame me for being too impatient to wait til I was done with HP to post it. And I DID also read a couple more chapters in HP and come up with an idea of more to add to the story, so I wasn't totally off on a tangent last night. Now, if you understood any of that gibberish, you might want to seek medical help. Otherwise, just enjoy the story!**_

**Choices**

**(Jun, 18 IV)**

Theodwyn leaned back against the tree branch and let her mind wander. This particular tree was easy to climb, but it also had thick enough leaves at this time of the year that she could hide and not be seen from the ground. Patches of blue peeked through the leafy canopy above her, and she smiled in an _all's-right-with-the-world_ sort of way.

Hearing voices below, she shifted slightly so she could see without being seen as a group of four boys wandered under the shade of the tree. Her breath caught in her throat; one of them was Haman. At twelve, he was two years older than Theodwyn, but for nearly three weeks now she had had her eye on him. She didn't entirely understand what it was she felt when she glimpsed him, but her heart beat faster and all she seemed able to do was stare. The few times they had been in close proximity, her face felt like it was on fire.

The wind shifted and she could easily hear their conversation. "I think the prettiest girl in Edoras is Aldwyn. I am going to ask her to dance tomorrow at the feast!" boasted Deor. The others murmured agreement, and sounded slightly in awe of his courage. "What if she says no?" asked Haman. Trying to look more confident than he actually felt, Deor assured him, "She will not. I heard from her brother that she fancies me!" He wasn't entirely certain her brother wasn't just playing a prank on him, but in case it was true, he intended to approach her.

The other boys mentioned a few other girls that might be worth dancing with, and someone suggested, "What about Theodwyn?" Haman gave a snort, "Theodwyn? She is practically a boy herself! Who would want to dance with her?" The others laughed along with him, as they began walking off down a side street.

Theodwyn fought to hold in her tears, telling herself fiercely, _A shieldmaiden does not cry!_ But the pain in her heart would not yield to her logic. Once they were out of sight, she descended quickly through the branches to the ground. In a flash, she was racing up the street. Not wanting anyone to see her crying, she slipped into the garden of Meduseld and ran to her favorite spot under the low-hanging branches of a tree. There she flung herself on the ground and began to sob uncontrollably.

xxxxx

Freawine hurried up the hill toward Meduseld. He had agreed to meet Elfwine, but he was already late. He decided to take a shortcut through the garden, though he knew his father would lecture him if he found out he had done so. He was halfway up the path when he caught the sound of crying. Coming to a halt, he listened for a moment to determine where it was coming from, then turned in that direction. An instant later, he came upon Theodwyn curled on the ground sobbing her eyes out.

"Theodwyn? What is wrong?" He hurried to her side, afraid she might be hurt. She had a propensity for tree climbing and her location under the tree suggested a fall. Even more, it worried him to see her in tears. He had never seen her cry before, even in the past when he had seen her injured. She claimed shieldmaidens did not cry!

Pulling her up into his arms, he brushed her hair back from her face as the tears continued to fall. "Tell me what is wrong," he said softly. "Where are you hurt?"

Hiccuping repeatedly, she managed to choke out, "I am not injured." The tears overtook her again, and unsure what else to do, he simply held her and rubbed her back soothingly, hoping she would calm soon.

It took some time, but finally her tears eased a bit and she scrubbed at her face with annoyance, blushing with embarrassment. "I am sorry, Freawine. I...I..." She stopped, not really wanting to explain the reason for her tears.

"Tell me what is wrong, Theodwyn," he urged gently. "Perhaps I can help."

She shook her head vehemently, "No, you cannot help! There is no help for someone like me!" She struggled not to start crying again, and turned her head away from him so he wouldn't see her face.

"Someone like you? What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean a girl who acts like a boy!" she wailed, fighting for control. "Boys are not interested in shieldmaidens; they only want pretty girls in frilly dresses who sit around and embroider all day. They despise girls who learn to use a sword!" She lost the battle with the tears and crumpled against him, and again he held her and stroked her head soothingly.

"Shhhh. Do not weep, Theodwyn." His mind was racing furiously; what could he say that would make her feel better. He had no sisters of his own, so the only experience he had with them was his time spent around Elfwine's siblings. And he had rarely paid much attention to them anyway. Maybe he should try to take her to Queen Lothiriel. Surely she would know how to deal with this crisis. But something held him back. Theodwyn had chosen to hide in the garden and cry rather than seek out her mother. Apparently she had not wanted her family to know of her pain. Maybe if he knew what had happened...

"Can you tell me what has upset you so?" he prodded softly.

She fought for control again and reluctantly explained the conversation she had overheard. A frown fixed itself on his face, but he could not entirely blame the boys who had been so cruel. They had not known she was there, and possibly would not have said such a thing within her hearing, even if they thought it. Theodwyn had inherited her father's height and was already nearly as tall as most girls Freawine's age. The boys in Theodwyn's age group tended to avoid being around tall girls who made them look short. Between that and her desire to prove herself a true shieldmaiden of Rohan, it was difficult for the boys to see her in the same light they viewed other girls. With a sigh, he tried to imagine what his father might do in a situation like this.

"Theodwyn, I know it hurts, but they are young boys yet. With greater maturity that comes from age, they may be better able to appreciate your talents and gifts. It does not excuse them for being so foolish, but you _were_ eavesdropping on them. They did not intentionally insult you." She stiffened in his arms; apparently that hadn't been the best thing to say just now.

Feeling her start to pull away, he tightened his grip. "Wait! I know that is not what you want to hear, but you would have me speak the truth, would you not? Would you have me flatter you with lies? That is not the shieldmaiden I have come to know all these years."

She ceased her struggles and let out a quavering sigh, "No, I would not have you lie to me." She sat there utterly dejected, and it hurt him to see her so worn down. The young girl he knew was always vibrantly alive, and barely able to stand still she was so bursting with life. This sad figure in his arms was nothing more than a limp rag doll. Remembering how Elfwine treated her, he kissed her head and told her, "A shieldmaiden must be brave, even when she is hurt. I do not doubt that some day some young man will see more than a girl who likes to play with swords. Do not let their words make you unhappy. If they feel that way, then they are unworthy of a girl such as you."

Without warning, she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She was almost choking him, her grip was so tight, but he did not dare discourage her. At length, she eased her hold and pulled back, "Thank you, Freawine. Please do not tell anyone about this, not even Elfwine. I would simply die of embarrassment!"

He smiled at her, "It will be our secret, my lady. Now go and wash your face so no one will know of your tears." He kissed her cheek and sent her off, then rose to continue on to his meeting with Elfwine.

xxxxx

The feast had ended and the tables were pushed back for dancing. The young men and young women were eyeing prospective dance partners, hoping their choice would be similarly inclined. The boys were clumped together, trying to work up the nerve to approach the clumps of girls. Why must they all stand together like that and make it so hard to ask them to dance? The boys dreaded approaching the group and having all the young ladies eye them hopefully, until they mentioned someone's name.

Elfwine and Freawine stood together, watching the regular ritual that took place at these dances. Two years before, Elfwine had become enamored of the Lady Dariel of Gondor, and since had shown little interest in such games. Most of the girls his age knew his affection was directed elsewhere and, though they would readily accept his invitation to dance, had no delusions about the depth of his interest in them. Freawine, on the other hand, usually danced with a number of girls, but had never shown any partiality to any of them. Elfwine often teased him about his indecisiveness, but he assured his friend that he was just picky. The girls were amusing partners, but none held his interest to any great extent. He often wished he could be so lucky as Elfwine and find a special girl.

Elfwine moved away to find a dance partner while Freawine surveyed the room a little longer, in no hurry to make a choice. As his eyes moved around the hall, they came to rest on a figure lurking in the shadows. Finally the person moved close enough to the light for him to see that it was Theodwyn. It was apparent she was trying to stay out of sight, and finally she sought out a bench in the darkness and took a seat, drawing her knees up to her chest in a most unladylike manner.

A grin tweaked his mouth, and then an idea drifted into his head. The younger boys nearly idolized the older boys who were of an age to join an eored. Both he, at eighteen, and Elfwine, at seventeen, were now in that situation. No one would be impressed if Theodwyn danced with her brother, but if she danced with an older boy, a member of an eored, the younger ones would certainly take notice!

Purposely he strode across the hall, and slipped into the shadows to take a seat next to Theodwyn. For a few moments, neither of them spoke. Finally, he suggested, "Would you like to raise some eyebrows?"

She turned to look at him curiously, "What do you mean?"

"Perhaps twelve year old boys would reconsider if they saw a shieldmaiden dancing all evening with a Rider of the Mark?"

She stared at him a moment, trying to register his offer, then gave him a conspiratorial grin. "Well, if not, at least I still get to dance with a handsome young man!"

He gave a laugh, "My lady! You do flatter me!"

Standing, he offered his hand, and she hurried to take it. They moved quickly to the floor and swept immediately into the dance already in progress.

An hour later, they paused to find something to quench their thirst. Theodwyn realized she had not even thought about Haman all the time she was dancing. A warmth spread through her, something like she usually felt when Elfwine did something nice for her. Impulsively, she turned to Freawine and told him earnestly, "Thank you. Thank you so very much." She paused and blushed.

With a grin, Freawine leaned down and kissed her cheek, even though they were not hidden from the rest of the room, "It has been my pleasure!"

THE END

6-27-05

**_End note:  It is best that you read the Elfwine Chronicles in the order they were written. The more of them that I wrote, the more likely I was to make reference to one of the previous ones and something that happened there. If you want to read them in order, go to the top of this page and click on my name (Deandra). That will take you to my profile page. Scroll down and you will find all the stories I have written. The Elfwine Chronicles are in order from bottom to top since ffn shows them in the order they were posted. A few were posted out of number order, but you can read them in posting order or number order since those few won't be affected in the story content._**


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